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December 8, 2007
John Wilcock - December 1, 2007

 

  The column of lasting insignificance
     


also posted:



2011
November 26 2011
November 19, 2011
November 12, 2011
November 5, 2011
October 29, 2011
October 22, 2011
October 15, 2011
October 8, 2011
October 1, 2011
September 24, 2011
September 17, 2011
September 10, 2011
September 4, 2011
August 27, 2011
August 20, 2011
August 13, 2011
August 6, 2011
July 30, 2011
July 23, 2011
July 16, 2011
July 9, 2011
July 2, 2011
June 25, 2011
June 18, 2011
June 11, 2011
June 4, 2011
May 28, 2011
May 21, 2011
May 14, 2011
May 7, 2011
April 30, 2011
April 23, 2011
April 16, 2011
April 9, 2011
April 2, 2011
March 26, 2011
March 19, 2011
March 12, 2011
March 5, 2011
February 26, 2011
February 19, 2011
February 12, 2011
February 5, 2011
February 5, 2011
January 29, 2011
January 22, 2011
January 15, 2011
January 6, 2011

2010
December 25, 2010
December 18, 2010
December 11, 2010
December 4, 2010
November 27, 2010
November 20, 2010
November 13, 2010
November 6, 2010
October 30, 2010
October 23, 2010
October 16, 2010
October 9, 2010
October 2, 2010
September 25, 2010
September 18, 2010
September 11, 2010
September 4, 2010
August 28, 2010
August 21, 2010
August 14, 2010
August 7, 2010
July 31, 2010
July 24, 2010
July 17, 2010
July 10, 2010
July 3, 2010
June 26, 2010
June 19, 2010
June 12, 2010
June 5, 2010
May 29, 2010
May 22, 2010
May 15, 2010
May 8, 2010
May 1, 2010
April 24, 2010
April 17, 2010
April 10, 2010
April 3, 2010
March 27, 2010
March 20, 2010
March 13, 2010
March 6, 2010
February 27, 2010
February 20, 2010
February 13, 2010
February 6, 2010
January 30, 2010
January 23, 2010
January 16, 2010
January 9, 2010
January 2, 2010

2009
December 26, 2009
December 19, 2009
December 12, 2009
December 5, 2009
November 28, 2009
November 21, 2009
November 14, 2009
November 7, 2009
October 31, 2009
October 24, 2009
October 17, 2009
October 10, 2009
October 3, 2009
September 26, 2009
September 19, 2009
September 12, 2009
September 5, 2009
August 29, 2009
August 22, 2009
August 15, 2009
August 8, 2009
August 1, 2009
July 25, 2009
July 18, 2009
July 11, 2009
July 4, 2009
June 27, 2009
June 20, 2009
June 13, 2009
June 6, 2009
May 30, 2009
May 23, 2009
May 16, 2009
May 9, 2009
May 2, 2009
April 25, 2009
April 18, 2009
April 11, 2009
April 4, 2009
March 28, 2009
March 21, 2009
March 14, 2009
March 7, 2009
February 28, 2009
February 21, 2009
February 14, 2009
February 7, 2009
January 31, 2009
January 24, 2009
January 17, 2009
January 3, 2009

2008
December 27, 2008
December 20, 2008
December 13, 2008
December 6, 2008
November 29, 2008
November 22, 2008
November 15, 2008
November 8, 2008
November 5, 2008
November 1, 2008
October 25, 2008
October 18, 2008
October 11, 2008
October 4, 2008
September 27, 2008
September 20, 2008
September 13, 2008
September 6, 2008
August 30, 2008
August 23, 2008
August 16, 2008
August 9, 2008
August 2, 2008
July 26, 2008
July 19, 2008
July 12, 2008
July 5, 2008
June 28, 2008
June 21, 2008
June 14, 2008
June 7, 2008
May 31, 2008
May 24, 2008
May 17, 2008
May 10, 2008
May 3, 2008
April 26, 2008
April 19, 2008
April 12, 2008
April 5, 2008
March 29, 2008
March 22, 2008
March 15, 2008
March 8, 2008
March 1, 2008
February 23, 2008
February 16, 2008
February 9, 2008
February 2, 2008
January 26, 2008
January 19, 2008
January 12, 2008
January 5, 2008

2007
December 29, 2007
December 22, 2007
December 15, 2007
December 8, 2007
December 1, 2007
November 24, 2007
November 17, 2007
November 10, 2007
November 3, 2007
October 27, 2007
October 20, 2007
October 13, 2007
October 6, 2007
September 29, 2007
September 22, 2007
September 15, 2007
September 8, 2007
September 1, 2007
August 25, 2007
August 18, 2007
August 11, 2007
August 4, 2007
July 28, 2007
July 21, 2007
July 14, 2007
July 7, 2007
June 30, 2007
June 23, 2007
June 16, 2007
June 9, 2007
June 2, 2007
May 19, 2007
May 12, 2007
May 5, 2007
April 28, 2007
April 21, 2007
April 14, 2007
April 7, 2007
March 31, 2007
March 24, 2007
March 17, 2007
March 10, 2007
March 3, 2007
February 24, 2007
February 17, 2007
February 10, 2007
February 3, 2007
January 20, 2007
January 13, 2007
January 6, 2007

2006
December 30, 2006
December 23, 2006
December 16, 2006
December 9, 2006
December 2, 2006
November 25, 2006
November 18, 2006
November 11, 2006
November 4, 2006
October 28, 2006
October 21, 2006
October 14, 2006
October 7, 2006
September 30, 2006
September 23, 2006
September 16, 2006
September 9, 2006
September 2, 2006
August 26, 2006
August 19, 2006
August 12, 2006
August 5, 2006
July 29, 2006
July 22, 2006
July 15, 2006

 

 


December 8, 2007

[Some more very old stuff]

In an adventurous mood last month, I applied to join Mensa, a society that is so exclusive that potential members pass an intelligence test before being accepted.  A few days later I received the preliminary test, a Cattell Intelligence Test, and fared as well as I could filling gaps in sentences, matching shapes, eliminating odd words from groups (e.g., page, word, brick, table, musical note), and solving puzzles in reasoning.

      (A man bought a horse for $20 and paid for it with a $30 check.  The dealer got it changed by a storekeeper and gave the buyer $10 change.  The check later bounced, so the dealer refunded the storekeeper’s money.  The horse had originally cost the dealer $10. What was his total loss?)

       Last week’s mail brought from Mensa an evaluation of my test.  “On this evidence,” wrote secretary Victor Serebriakoff, “your intelligence quotient appears to be 148.  Put more simply, your score is higher than that of 96 per cent of the population.  While these figures are above average, they are unfortunately not up to the very high level we are looking for in our panel.”

    With the letter came a printed sheet of information about intelligence tests in general and instructions on converting one’s Cattell I. Q. into the more familiar revised Binet I. Q. (my Binet would be 128.7).  There is also a final note from Mensa explaining that the society’s lowest acceptance figure is I. Q. 155 on the Cattell scale (about 136 on the Binet or Wechsler).

   This high rating, by the way, represents only about 1 per cent of the population.  But if you think you’re in that select group and you want to apply for membership, Mensa’s address is M. S. A., Sandringham, Briscot Road, Rainham, Essex, England.

      A copywriter I met at a party last week makes a tidy, part-time living from running a phony reference service.  Say you want to apply for a job, you list one of his phony companies on your resume, and my friend—let’s call him Hal—answers the phone and says:

     “Oh, Charley Brown?  Yes, he used to work here.  Have you any idea where he is now?  He was lured away from us for a better job and we’d like to get him back.”

     Any prospective employer, says Hal, is likely to fall heavily for a line like that, but if not, he has various alternative pitches. 

     “Sometimes I get very aggressive when employers inquire,” he explains.  “I say:  ‘Sure, I know Charley Brown; he’s working for us right now.  What do you want him for?  You’re the third one that’s called.  He’s quite happy here.’  Then I hang up.”

     Hal has various cards and letterheads printed with the names of different phony companies—they cost $3 a thousand to print—but he rarely needs them because most employers settle for a brief phone call.  “The higher the salary, the easier they are to impress,” he declares.

     Hal’s rates very from $5 to $15 per reference and he guarantees satisfaction within five calls or money returned.  Occasionally some particularly untalented customer seeks more than one reference, and then Hal farms out some of the accounts to friends in Chicago.  “One day I envision a nation-wide network of phony-reference providers,” he says.  “I already have to lay off some of my bets on the West Coast.”

    For obvious reasons Hal doesn’t want to have his own name or those of past customers in print, but he assures me of their satisfaction with his service.

     “I can’t claim that any of them became millionaires,” he says, “but plenty went on to comfortable things.  One is married to a Hollywood star.  He got into the highest circles with our reference, then stopped looking for work altogether when he became a professional husband.”

      I hardly know how to break this news to you. The fact is that I’m no longer the meek, pliable john wilcock with whom you have become familiar:  I am now an apostle of Zohar, a practitioner of Psychic Dominance, and a student of  “How to Rule Others With Your Thoughts.”  And all for a thin three bucks.  What’s more, as soon as I can dominate somebody into loaning me a further $2.75, I’m going to invest in the next step:  Psycho-Hypnotic Subjugation; How to Become Popular in 24 Hours.

    “Psycho Dominance,” as peddled by some optimistic entrepreneur at 846 Sunnyside Avenue, Chicago, “is a silent power.  You don’t have to utter a word to apply it.  Your thoughts are the only instruments you need.”  Its components are Repressed Exhilaration, Dynamic Telepathy, Your Dominating Aura, and the Cosmic Whirl—in short, the story of my life.

     You, too, can step in front of a mirror and practice Repressed Exhilaration.  Then, when you’re ready, just pick a victim:

      “Inhale slowly and fully...then exhale—actually explode—all the gathered energy in you out to the other person.  Feel your gathered energy bursting through your face, chest, neck, arms...Visualize the other person receiving this explosion of your full blast, penetrating him like an x-ray and anesthetizing him from head to foot.”

     Once you’ve learned how to blast, or course, the battle is half won:

     “With him physically stunned now by your explosion of Repressed Exhilaration, your next move is to pour your command thoughts into his unprotected mind before he can regain his self-possession and resist you.  To rule him with your thoughts you have to follow up fast before it wears off...In the Advanced Psychic Power Development Course (a further $9.95, when available) you are taught overwhelming ways of throwing your thoughts through space.”

    You think there’s nothing in this course for you?  Aha, how uncosmic can you get?

     “If you are a woman and want to influence a man, you may think out to him:  ‘I am very beautiful and you know it.’

     “When stepping out on to the stage or lecture platform think out:  ‘I am a great performer.  Great, great, great.’

    “Or perhaps you want somebody to think you are intelligent.  Think out:  ‘I am very intelligent, intelligent, intelligent.’”

     There’s a great deal more of this fascinating course.  “How to Win a Fist Fight With Psychic Dominance” is the title of one chapter, for example.  And a brief explanation of How to Launch the Cosmic Whirl also sounds useful:

     “After devitalizing your victim with the Dominating Aura, you turn to something earthy to recuperate.  The other person, as a result, regains somewhat his self-possession.  His mind flashes probing telepathic feelers into yours to find out what you are bent on, but your blanked-out mind supplies no answer.  The vain probing exhausts him, confuses him all the more and adds an air of mystery to you.”

     Me, I’m positively inscrutable.

(all the above from The Village Square by John Wilcock (Lyle Stuart, 1961)

JOHN WILCOCK IS CURRENTLY CRUISING THE CARIBBEAN    

12/1/07

comments? send an email to John Wilcock

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